For about a week, I was considering not doing anything will my dolls anymore.
THERE I SAID IT.
I understand that the vast majority of you don't actually care... so you have my full permission to leave. I don't mind if you don't mind, because it's really not all that much of a big deal. But if you want to hear then I will explain in full and graphic detail (kidding, it's not that exciting...) what was racing through my mind.
I can blame part of it on all the stress I was going under: it was the week before my first high school exams, and as a break from studying I was hanging out with someone who I can genuinely say is one of my favourite people ever. We were talking about the possibility of re-doing her room this summer, and I mentioned the fact that my closet was an alarming and ghastly shade of pink, that I had chosen when I was five (her entire room was a bright tie-die purple). Then she said "Yeah, but it's full of dolls, creepy, man... I mean, it's really really cool that you have a business, and that you sew clothes... but dolls, man." I already knew her opinion on my dolls. I did, and I guess I was definitely kind of embarrassed at the fact that they were 'creepy'.
So that night I lay in bed, with a weight in my stomach, thinking. I told myself I would keep only a select few dolls out, to model my Etsy clothing, and put the rest in their boxes in my closet. I would only keep out a select few other items of clothing. I would get rid of my entire doll house, just keep the top shelf to keep my other dolls on. I was honestly so embarrassed that something I did was considered 'creepy', not cool, not something more than socially acceptable. I kept this thought in my mind basically all through exams.
But hey... you remember that one I time I was filming the last episode of 'I wrote a book', and had to throw my dolls behind a fence and pretend to just be taking pictures, because there were people my age coming?
Or do you remember the time I pretended my driveway was central park?
I decided eventually I would not leave.
That, you know what? Dolls are pretty creepy! People have their entire right to think that! But it does not need to be a collective opinion of everyone on the planet. It's not something I do for, or with my school friends. I won't keep it a secret from them, but if they want to know, let them know. Let them think it's creepy. But I am entirely entitled to my own opinion, and in this situation it is sometimes harder to stick to your own opinion. But honestly, I do like what I do, and I want to continue doing it.
Videos have alway been less frequent recently, mainly because of school, my band, exams, a play I'm in, my dance class, in the summer I'll have soccer, friends, and even though my extracurriculars are currently cancelled (poop.), once they get started up I'll have them again. I can't be a superhuman, I can't do everything, all the time, and be perfect at it. However, I will try my best and hopefully in the end come out with something worth watching.
So this is why I slaved away at a computer at 11 o'clock at night when I really should have been sleeping, but hey! It needed to be said, someone needed to say it. So it may as well have been me.
Now go watch this video:
you may have already seen it, but I think it entirely fits the theme of this post.
You guys are lovely.
Ahh, now that that weight is off my chest, I'll hopefully have an 'all of my dolls' video up tomorrow, after 3 years since my last one... :)